I am so miserable.
I failed French and refused to watch English subtitled French films for one whole year because I was still hurt. The professor was from Senegal and her French was not excellent by any means but she told me I had contemptible pronunciation. Shortly after she failed me, I ran into her in the hallway and witnessed as she tripped on the door holder and lost grip of the coffee and paperwork she held. I was the only one around so the courteous thing to do would have been to help her gather her belongings but she failed me and I had to walk away. It takes me one year to get over things.
I realize both my dress and slip are too short. I am holding the Imperial flag of the Romanov Dynasty.
In kindergarten I was the only one in my class who wore our mandatory crossover tie. As I stood in line, a girl asked me, “Why do you always wear this?” and yanked it off. I went home crying. I used to be so weak. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that I could have walloped her.
I am going to move to Spain for one year and come back a changed woman. I met a girl from Gibraltar many years ago. I disappeared and we lost contact. It is always my fault.
For ten years, my mother made us believe we had two step siblings living elsewhere. She made us talk to them over the phone. My mother knew I was jealous of Arlette and yet she compared us all the time. She was cunning and stole my mother’s affection from me during my most important years. One day I did not want to bathe and my mother said, “Arlette would bathe.” She was an intruder who won everyone’s affection and I was Darth Vader. Some things never change but she is irrelevant now.
The neighbor is playing basketball with a friend by my bedroom window again. My mother poked her head out to whistle at the boys. The boys are in grade five.